i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So vagazzling was a success
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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