I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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