His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
