YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My bed is full of blood and feathers
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
