hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Come on in and take your pants off
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