I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
