Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize