Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize