I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize