4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize