It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
