is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
