So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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