Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
