toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
