i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
