she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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