If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
