she looked like the before picture.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
