Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
