found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
