This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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