Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
