It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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