i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
