just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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