so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
