Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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