I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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