Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize