You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
