I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
