i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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