I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
