FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
