Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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