that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
