I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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