i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
