Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
