I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
