I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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