Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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