make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
