Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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