so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize