HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
