guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
How's work?
Spinning.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
