so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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