when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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