Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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