I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
