I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize