im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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