I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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