Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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