i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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