I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
