You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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