I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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