let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
