Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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