Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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