We're like a lot better than the average bears
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Apparently you make a good broom.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
