carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
