just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
