Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
