Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
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