return my video game
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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