Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
