Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
