I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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