You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
