I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
